Sacrifice of a soul mate

A couple weeks back I posted a drawing I called “Sacrificed “
that I pulled from a sketch pad I had filled up during a bad portion of my life.

The sketch was not the end though… It inspired a painting.
It deserved to be a painting.
Only paintings can really last.

I called this painting “Sacrifice of a soul mate.”

It was I who had been sacrificed so I thought.

I was in a lot of pain.

Sacrifice of a soul mate painting

I did the drawing on 2003 and the painting in 2004.
It has now been over 7 years since my old life completely ended and it has been 6 since I painted this image.
Over those years I have changed my views.
Certainly I was cast aside and destroyed by a woman I had lived for close to 20 years.
There is no doubt I died in many ways and I will never be the type of person I once was.
One can not burn on the alter and rise back up whole.

The real sacrifice however was not me.
She sacrificed herself.

I had changed.
She had changed.
The end had come.

She did everything she could to hurt and destroy the lives of everyone she held close.
Nobody who cared for her was spared.

She hurt me most only because I was the closest.
I was the one who had shared her entire life.

The bridges she burned down could never be repaired.
She lost everyone and everything she had ever know.

She assumed (wrongly) that I who was a very strong willed megalomaniac sort of man would recover from it and rise up to be what she had always thought I could be.
To be richer, more famous, happier, and fulfilled… without her.
She did not realize how so much of what I had accomplished was for her.
To impress her and make her proud of me.
She didn’t really understand.

It was a self sacrifice.

Nobody was hurt as badly as she.

Even our son… who became bitter and leery of women forever was not hurt as badly as she hurt herself.

So now when I look at this painting I see it differently.
What I felt before remains, but now I see her pain. I see her torment and how she must live with her mistakes forever.
I feel sorry for her and wish I could help.
I wish there was something I could say.

There is nothing.

The deeds have been done.

What is done can never  be undone.

Posted September 6, 2011 by Inferno in My Peculiar Paintings

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